Vince's Birthday- A Degenration X Oneshot

It wasn't the first time Monday Night Raw was going to be held in vegas, but whenever it was, many of the superstars had the best of times.

Especially Degeneration X.

With all the gambling, music, lights and shows, Vegas was like thier ultimate playground, but the company employees weren't going to be the only one's expericing Vegas' nightlife.

---

It all started when DX arrived the MGM where Raw was going ot be held. Hunter ad Shawn were arguing about gambling while Sophia decided to stay out of thier quarrel. Backstage, she notcied her boss Vince strut out of his office in his usual manner, but this time he had a big smile on his face.

"Hey look guys, Vince is happy" she whispered to them, almost in awe.

Shawn and Hunter turned thier attenton towards thier smiling boss as he walked down the hall ahead of them. Right behind Vince was someone carrying some balloons.

"Ooh, festivites!" Shawn said happily

"But what's with the festivies?" Hunter asked "Did Vince finally get his period or what?"

"Why would that be worth celebrating?" Sophia asked "More moody and more bitchy Vince; That'll be enjoyable. Besides that,"

She looked ahead at Vince with a frown "Wouldnt he be going through menopause at his age?"

She suddenly gasped "Wait! What's today?"

"August 23rd" Shawn replied

"Oh my god" Hunter said "Tomorrow is his birthday!"

"No wonder!" Shawn exclaimed "It makes sence why he's in a good mood. Having a birthday in Vegas is every man's dream!"

"We should do something for him tomorrow" Sophia said as an evil smile crept across her red lips.

"What do you have in mind?" Shawn asked

"Oooh, how about an arranged cockfight?!" Hunter offered "He does love those cocks after all"

"True" Sophia replied "But I got something else in mind"

"What?" asked Hunter

"Meet me in me and Shawn's hotel room in about 2 hours" Sophia commanded as she started to walk off

Hunter gave Shawn a confused look as she walked off

"What?" Shawn asked

"You have strange taste in chicks" Hunter said

"Says the guy who married the bosses' daughter!" Shawn argued with a roll of his eyes

The two men continued to argue as Sophia made her way to the hotel room. Once she arrived, she quickly grabbed her phone and dialed a number.

"...Hey Chris! It's Soph...Yeah I know right, Way too long. Listen I got a favor to ask you..."

---

About two hours later, Hunter and Shawn arrived back at the hotel room where they heard what seemed to be an electric guitar being tuned. Shawn knocked on the door

"Who is it?" Sophia called out playfully

"Your ever so loving fiancee and your bestest friend ever" Hunter replied

"Enter, my loved one...and Hunter"

Hunter rolled his eyes as Shawn opened the door. They paused once they saw what lay ahead of them. There was a drumset along with about three amps and two guitars; One bass and one electric.

"What the hell is this?" Hunter asked

"We're gonna start a band and perform Happy Birthday to Vince out of the kindness of our hearts." she said as she said the last half of her statement sarcastically. "Here, Shawn"

She handed him the bass guitar and he took it, suspiciously.

"Where did you get all this?" he asked

"Chris owed me a favor and he was in town so I asked him to borrow his bands set for today and tomorrow."

"Which Chris?" Shawn asked, knowing that the group knew alot of guys with the same name.

"Your ex?" Hunter asked as he got a better look at the blue gibson guitar "I knew Jericho was in a band but..."

"Oh hell no!" Sophia replied with wide eyes "Not that Chris. Why would I ask my ex for anything? I meant Chris Warren, the guy who sings our theme song"

"Ohhhhhh..." Shawn replied in full understanding. "He's a nice guy" he added with a shrug

"Yeah. we gotta return the stuff to him tomorrow after Raw."

"But we don't know how to play!" Hunter said as he picked up the guitar "And dont we need a band name?"

"Oooh oooh!" Shawn said excitedly as he lifted his hand up like a little kid "I think we should name our band..."

He waved hand in front of him slowly as if picturing the name

"'The Degeneration X Experience'"

"I want 'Hunter Hearst and the Helmsleys.'" Hunter complained

"Guys!" Sophia calle dout impatently to the men "I think DX is fine as a band name!! Let's focus on trying to learn how to play these things."

"Why did you get them then if we cant play?" Shawn asked

"Because, we're gonna perform Happy Birthday in the crappiest way possible. I thought it would be an appropriate thing for us to do, since we hate our boss."

"That's actually not a bad idea" Shawn said with a chuckle "That's almost like a rebellion"

"Thats the point" Sophia said with a smile as she got behind the drumset and got the drumsticks.

"After this thing, can we still arrange that cockfight I mentioned earlier?" Hunter asked

Sophia rolled her eyes "Yes Hunter, we'll add the cockfight"

"Let's do this thing!" Shawn said happily as he got the bass ready "One two three four!"

Sophia tried hitting the symbol, but the drumstick flew off her hand and hit the microwave button, making it accidentally turn on. Shawn tried slapping the bass, but as soon as he strummed (which he's not supposed to do) the strap on his shoulder tore therefore making the bass fall forward. Hunter tried tuning the guitar but he did it so much a string tore.

"My god, we suck" Hunter complained after a few seconds of odd silence

"It's okay to suck in this situation!" Sophia said with enthusiasm

"Are you sure I should be playing bass?" Shawn asked as he looked down at the bass on the floor "I don't know if it's the right instrument for me."

"Shawn, many great men have been bassists." Sophia replied as she wrapped a arm aross his shoulder "You are no exception"

"Great men like who?"

She smiled slyly "Oh a certain someone named...Paul McCartney"

Shawn's eyes got wide "Ohhhh..." he said in awe

"And Lemmy from Motorhead!" Hunter called out, mentioning his favorite band

"And I think it suits you" Sophia added "After all, basses have a deep sound and it goes well with your voice"

Shawn shrugged "I guess."

"So c'mon guys, let's rock!!" she called out as she raised her drumsticks in the air

"Yeah!!!" the male Degenerates called out

---

The next day arrived and the show was about to start.

"Okkay guys, is everything ready?" Shawn asked

"Yeah, the techies are dropping the instruments off in our locker room." Sophia replied to him

"Good"

On the Tv screen, they saw vince McMahon strut down the aisle in his usual manner with the big grin on his face the Degernates saw the day before. The crowd cheered for him and even some bowed thier arms up and down as if saying 'We're not worthy'

"Hello everyone, I wanted to kick this off tonight since i just know it's gonna be a great show!! So have a goodnight everyone and enjoy the show, courtesy of me!"

"That's our cue!" Sophia exlclaimed

"Let's go" Hunter said

Degeneration X's music played as the crowd went nuts. Vince, in the ring, tried to remain calm as a small nervous smile crept on his face. The Degenerates walked down the ailse happily, got into the ring, and got on top of the turnbuckles to excite the crowd even more. Once they got down, the music slowly faded.

"You guys..have a goodnight" Vince mumbled as he tried sneaking out of the ring

"Hold on, hold it!" Hunter said as he grabbed his boss by the shoulder "We gotta talk to you for a minute"

Sophia spoke up "We've noticed that the past couple of days, you've been in a really good mood lately, and frankly...we're concerned"

"It's not normal for us to see you like this. We don't like good guy Vince McMahon!" Hunter complained

"Sweet, caring, happy go lucky, Vince..." Shawn said "it's...bleh!!" he added as he stuck out his tougne in disgust

"It's creepy!" Sophia exlcaimed

"It's like Michael Vick at a PETA convention!!" Hunter joked

The crowd laughed as his joke

"Actually," Shawn began as he pointed a finger at Hunter's chest "I think I know why he's in a good mood."

Vince caught his drift and began to object "No...just..."

"No, no, let him talk!" Sophia scolded to Vince

"I think I know why you're happy!" Shawn exclaimed excitedly.

He turned to Sophia "Today's August 24th isn't it?"

"Yes it is" Sophia replied

Her eyes got bigger as she gasped in a sarcastic surpise. Shawn had a big grin on his face and the couple hugged Vince's shoulders.

"I think someone's got a birthday, today!" they said playfully in unison

The crowd roared and Vince grimaced at the two smiling degenerates beside him.

"Ohh ohh! I think I know this one!" Hunter said in a childlike manner "Is it Robert Downey Jr?"

"You gotta think older and waaaaaay less handsome." Sophia replied.

vince scowled at her.

"Um...is it Alec Baldwin?"

"You gotta think thinner and alot more meaner" Shawn said

"Hmmm" hunter hummed as the pretended to think "Old, ugly, thin and mean...who do we know like that?"

He gasped "That's it!!! It's Vince McMahon's..104th birthday!"

Vince's eye grew wide as Hunter made that statement. Although he tried to hide it, inside Vince was boilig with anger and irritstion. The crowd laughed and decided to play along with the jokes.

"That's not the right age, Hunter!" Sophia said to him as he pushed him playfully

"Ok fine. It's his...114th birthday!"

"Go lower!" Shawn said

"Uh..."

"I'm SIXTY FOUR!!!!" Vince suddenly yelled

All three degenerates' eyes grew and thier jaws dropped in fake surprise.

"Oh my god!!!" exclaimed Hunter

"YOU SAID YOUR AGE ON TV!!" Sophia yelled as she pointed at him

"You're not supposed to do that! We were only protecting your image!!!" Shawn said all panicky.

"Leave...please." Vince said as he closed his eyes, trying to calm down "Just...leave"

"Oh come now, Vincey cakes." Sophia said to him "Don't be a party pooper on your birthday! Especially since you're having your birthday here in Vegas!!"

The whole crowd cheers in excitement.

"Hey, wasn't this the place where you cheated on your wife with Cher?" Shawn asked

Vince gave him a death stare and many 'OOOOOOOH's were heard from the crowd. Hunter looked uneasy and whispered something in Shawn's ear.

"Oh, so it was only a woman who looked like Cher?" Shawn asked Hunter

Hunter shook his head and whispered some more in Shawn's ear. Shawn's eyes grew wider and he looked alarmed

"So, it was a man who looked like a woman who looked like Cher?" he asked in a hoarse voice

"ANYWAY!" Sophia yelled, seeing Vince was getting angrier and angrier. "Since we all know its your birthday, we talked to the management and comapny officials and they all arranged many things for you. We have our own seperate gift for you but for now enjoy what you have now."

"Vegas isn't Vegas without some hometown entertainment!" Hunter called out

Many showgirl, a few acrobats, fire eaters and even an Elvis impersonator came into the ring. vince's mood seemed to have been lifted as he smiled slyly when he recived a kiss from each Showgirl that went into the ring.

"Okay old man, now it's out turn" Shawn said happily

"Stay right there. Our gift is backstage, we just need to get things ready!" Sophia ensured him

The Degenerates all walked out of the ring as they made their way backstage. For a few moments Vince stood there comfused and he made small talk with some of the entertainers there. The camera soon turned on and the titantron showed all three group members backstage, in their positions.

"Hey look, the cameras on." Sophia pointed out

"Alright, Vince" Hunter began "Now, this was all Sophia's idea so don't complain at us if you don't like it. Complain at her."

"What a way to show your friendship, Hunter" Shawn said sarcastically.

Shawn faced the camera "Anyway, Hunter and Sophia wanted to give you two seperate things so we put our creative minds together to present to you this..."

He pointed to the floor which laid a fenced area with about four roosters eating chicken feed from the white tarp that covered the ground

"Look Vince, it's your cocks!" Hunter said as he accidentally got in the way

"Hunter, you're right in front of the cocks!" Sophia said "Dont be a cockblocker!"

The audience laughed at her joke and Hunter moved out of the way as the roosters happily pecked away at their food.

"By the way ladies and gentlemen" Shawn said in a fake annoucner voice "No chickens were harmed during the making of this birthday surprise"

"Shawn, they're not chickens!" Hunter argued "How many times do I have to tell you?"

"Ok men, let's do this!" Shouted Sophia from the drumstool as she lifted the drumsticks in the air

The men gathered thier instruments and Hunter counted off

"ONE TWO THREE FOUR!"

They began to play horribly. Hunter was only playing two random chords on the guitar. Shawn tried slapping the bass at a fast pace, but Sophia pounded on the drums and cymbals like no one's business as she headbanged to her own sound. It wasn't even music, it was basically noise

"Happy Birthday to you!" Sophia shouted

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" the men shouted

"Happy Birthday to you!"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

"Happy Birthday Vincey, Happy birthday…"

"TO YOU!" the group all said in unison

Right on that note, the roosters got startled & started running around, flying out of the pen.

"Hey look, right on cue!" Sophia exclaimed "Fly, you little cocks, fly!" she cheered on

"That was the most horrible performance I have ever seen in my life!" Vince finally yelled, realeasing his temper "How dare you make a mockery of my special day!!!"

Shawn looked hurt "But vince…this came from the kindess of our hearts."

"That's bullcrap, Michaels!" Vince yelled some more

"Hey hey hey" Hunter inturrupted "I think we should listen to Vince"

"Why?" Sophia asked

"Well, because in the end, it all comes down to us" Hunter said reassuringly "If he likes out gift then good, we have accomplished something. But since he doesn't, well...it's obvious he's not down with that and you know our motto! "If you're not down with that WE GOT TWO WORDS FOR YA!..."

The audience gladly shouted the two words as thier music blared through the speakers.

---

"So do you think Vince enjoyed our gifts?" Sophia asked Shawn as the night ended and everyone was leaving the arena.

"OUCH! DAMN CHICKENS!!"

The couple turned around and saw Vince being pecked on the ankles by one of the roosters.

"They're not chickens!" Shawn called out to him "They're..."

"SHUT THE HELL UP MICHAELS!" Vince yelled

Sophia and Shawn giggled, feeling happy that they have given a memorbable gift to Vince.

AN: Some of the jokes I used in the story Triple H actually used during the Vince's birthday segment. I added the band, roosters and other dialouge.